Chompy

Chompy, or Jim as he is also known is a very nice chap, very clever and, much like myself very crude. His jokes are piss poor to say the least and he seems to have the worst luck known to man, woman or beast.

Often found rummaging through office bins looking for alcohol under the belief that there is a conspiracy against him whereby all employees are allowed to drink at work except for him. Knowing this, he is determined to find some to expose this cunning plot.

Most likely heard muttering 'Would you credit it' - a tribute to his bum luck.

Another quick quote: 'Why are the French so bad at gambling? Because they like Toulouse!' Its a shame, I know.

Hello, it's Jim here. What Chopper's written about me is all true, I'm afraid. The picture is a little poor however. My cheeks are indeed ruddy from too much White Lightning and 20/20 in my youth, but my ears are not slanted back 45 degrees and in a funny place like Ambassador Delenn off Babylon 5, and I do in fact have the full complement of teeth - not just the horse-like upper row depicted above. I am currently sporting a beard, and it is often said that I look like George Clooney (below).

Here are some links you might want to look at if you are misguided enough to want to be like me:

• My favourite weekly sarcastic high-tech newsletter, NTK
• When I want to sound like I know everything about music, I go here: allmusic.com
• If (like Wheddon) you don't like having to download 3 megabyte wavs of only moderately funny clown music just for the dubious honour of looking at Biscuit Boy's mugshot, buy Chopper one of these from amazon.co.uk
• Alternatively, if you are a fan of sad computer related in-jokes then read the comments to this book at amazon.com
• And if, after all that you find your will to live isn't completely drained, this should do the trick: The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything

Click on the images below to see larger versions of Jim embarassing himself on the dance floor at the EDS Graduation Ball in Milton Keynes, January 2004.

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